Frenships & Expectations…

Yesterday was a long day at sentosa…we waited and waited…almost 5hrs…then suddenly when the target appeared, she held my hands, feeling cold and shivering…

Just at this moment, i was asking myself, why wld sm1 wana hurt a decent gal like her…Both of us came from a broken family, hence, smhow i can relate to her feelings and the turmoil gng through her mind then…We were there for only a reason, but smhow when he appeared, no1 believed he will actually do that…But i must say she handled it well, as compared to her previous breakups, this is the best side that i’ve seen..more mature and steady…In fact, i doubt i will react how she reacted…and i din tink its forgiveable…

Imagine: His Bday, A beautiful resort she yearned, But she was not the one invited… Pack of lies were laid before the finale…It was a pre-planned betrayal…

If i were her, i would have just given him a tight slap..But she didn’t..She talked to him calmly..with tears flowing dwn her cheeks…Being frens for years, i feel the pinch as she dun deserve such treatment…However, why din He ( being sm1 who claimed that he loved her, he was happy with her for the past few years), cherish her understanding,her care & concern?  Instead he took her for granted. He thinks that she’s stupid or watever, but did he realised that she was just forging innocence so that things can go back to where they were w/o any1 knowing abt the betrayal??

Does she ever mean anything to Him? Or betrayal can simply be done by closing his eyes, with his brain shut dwn?? And after doing what he did, he still claimed that he can hold his head up high??How ridiculous…But of course, no1 has a right to tell her what to do..we just hope she will do things that she will not live to regret…Afterall, a simple life is what some of us are looking for…sm1 who will be there for the ups and dwns, sm1 who only live and love for us, sm1 to give assurance that nothing will do wrong…If she believe that he’s still the one, we can only wish her happiness…

Frankly speaking, after witnessing the betrayal, i feel that nothing remain 4ever…Actions are still louder than words…sweet talks are just words…The faith in a r/s do not cme from words…it cmes from the heart…and that’s when we see sincerity…But does it ever exist?? mayb not…

Today, i came across one meaningful article from a widow. As i was reading it, my eyes were tearing…

It says:

" I was married for 30years but my husband died recently. Now I need your help.

Tell me how I’m supposed to act as a single. I need to learn how to have fun alone, to know what to say, what to do, and not do. Tell me how to come home to an empty house, not being needed, having no one to to take care of and no one to share life with.

How do i learn to enjoy life again? I married the second man i ever dated, and he was my best friend, my lover, my companion. How do i find love again? Any man i would date would not want to talk about my husband, but i just can’t put 30years behind me and deny that they ever happened. Tell me, where do i go for answers? And do those answers exist?"

And then she signed her name.

After reading this, i was asking myself, what would i do if i were her? How will i react?? Will i be able to put down 30yrs of memories and learn how to live again?? what abt you,my frenz?i guess no1 has an ans to it..

While some are fighting hard to face the emptiness caused when their loved ones are no longer around, others chose to give up the happiness they found…its juz a world full of contradictories…

After seeing & hearing so many broken r/s, heart-breaking stories, I tink what’s most important now is to cherish who and what i’ve got…my fren, my love, my companion…

The past few weeks seems to have past in a blink of my eyes…somehow it kept me very busy and I seem to be isolated from my frenz…As for the coming week, i’m going to be very involved in a pri sch gathering, then off i will be in KL for few days for work ALONE!! the tot of staying in the hotel really freak me out man…BUT keke, tink my 2 other muskerteers might be joining me, so not tat eerie afterall..haha…

Then once back from my KL trip, tink i’m gona be busy wif our Ms Venus’ ROM preparation (shop for new dress, new shoes, her ROM PRESSIE) so excited & happy for her..hee…CONGRATS gal!!the day is here FINALLY…wishing you guyz all the best!!

" Music is just like the physical attraction…then slowly, we moved on to lyrics, the stories that lie beneath the music…the combination of both will then bring magic…" by Sophie Fisher

I juz love this sentence, sound so profound, yet so close to our heart…Many times, we are always 1st attracted to the rhythm of a song, before we will stay tune for the lyrics…Its just like how we are attracted to someone initially before we want to know more about him/her…and then, that’s where the ugliest side of both parties surface…

Like a song, not all r/s are perfect and each has their stories within…Most importantly, not all end with a beautiful ending, either scar or memories are all we have…But i have always wonder, is there ever an existence of such wonderful r/s that can be so magical and wonderful? Has anyone experience the real magic that has occur because of the wonderful combination of both music and lyrics?? I believe that the process of putting both music & lyrics is not easy, it requires constant improvement, but guess once all efforts are put in, a song will be develop, and that’s when we know if efforts are recognised and who knows maybe you will be rewarded…

Like sophie in "music & lyrics", i’m still waiting…the inspiration, not just negotiation …for the magical lyrics whom i can open my heart to…"All I want to do is find a way back into love..If I open my heart to you,
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end, hoping you’ll show me what to do… 
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end …"

Over the long weekend, many thoughts went through my mind. Time really flies from my 1st major exams (PSLE) to my O levels then to my poly days and now, finally working in a reality world and fighting for own survival.

24 meaningful years have past and along the journey, i’ve met hundreds or maybe thousands of pple. Some came by and went off, but some reappear after number of years, then some just stick with me through thick and thin…

There was once when a taxpayer asked me, ‘how do you define a good life?’..and i told him ít varies!a piece of artwork that seems so wonderful to an artiste doesnt mean that we agree its good!And to me,having a few sincere frens is already a blessing. Phew!i’m just so glad that i have met a few wonderful pple tat really made my life meaningful…

A fortune teller used to me that i have lotsa frens, but only few are sincere..so i even changed my name to distance myself from those frens…and it happens…pple juz slowly move out of my life..and sm old frenz juz came back!!I used to tink that my life is just so miserable, dwn with so much burdens, but as i turn back time, i saw these pple..they really changed my life…Let me tell u why…

I have a fren who made me realise that platonic frenship do exist between a guy and a gal.He came into my life when we were only 15, and till now, i wld say our frenship is still gng strong despite his busy schedule…he let me see the 1st miracle in my life by making me gttg into a pure science class by giving me intense tuition,then giving me advices as and when i really needed sm. He’s one of the few who know me best..its just so creepy but bcoz of him, i do know myself beta;p Then when i ran away from home, he offered me a shelter to stay over and even had his mum cooking nice meals for me whenever i go over to his place. Despite sm rough patches, i still tink he’s the best!!eh, and not forgetting his mum:)

Then i have this sweet, quiet pal who really thinks like me and made me realise what is the meaning of ‘Great minds tink alike!’ She’s the most introvert gal among my frens but somehow we just clicked since we were 15. We have the same taste and even think alike in many many ways, she knws me inside out in a way, tat’s y we always address each other as sisters. I love to confide in her, coz she knows why i’m sad/down when others may not know…Her mum has also offered me homecook meals when i was deprived of homecooked meals after i shifted out. I almost teared as i was having that heartwarming meal. I just love her and her family so much as i know they will b there to support me no matter what happens!!

Next, i met this wonderful lady when i was in secondary one, we had fun when we were young, then we started to lose touch after O levels…smhow i managed to know a fren who gave me her contacts during my poly days, but i din managed to call..as years past, we managed to keep in touch after a secondary sch so call alumni meeting..haha..i’m just so glad that i went coz we met again! we tok and luff like we used to. After that, she became ”part and parcel” of my life..i will never forget how she helped me when i seriously needed help, she’s indeed a true bud..she woke in the middle of the nite, waking her bf then drove my mum to see a doc without a word of complain, then went to fetch me at the hospital when my grandma was hospitalised, keeping me accompany when i was down, fetching me home when we are out, asking me over to have sumptuous meals cooked by her ah-ma etc..haha…ah, i seriously duno how to express my gratitde towards you…and of course not forgetting to thank you for introducing ýour ‘nice’ bf who will always perk my day with his suanings…like i always say, each and every of my frens play diff role in my life, so no worry abt me forgetting you yar?coz it will nvr happen;p

I also know of this great guy from my secondary sch who was there when i needed help. He actually acc me mum to the hospital for checkup when i cun take leave to go. And also not forgetting our 1st car accident…hahaha..its was really an experience. I would like to thank him for the free meals and presents when i was unemployed..hee..really glad that i’ve met you and till now we are still good frens..

Then as i went on to my poly days, i met another amazing gal..sm1 whose so clever and have a darn good sense of direction. This is smthing that she may not know but I’ve really chged bcoz of her..from a direction idiot to now, sm1 who knows where to go when i’m in town..i’m even giving directions to my driver when he lost his way..haha..now she’s even the one who taught me how to invest…she;s really a good ‘financial planner’ and u know wat?i’m wrkg myself towards that now too…Besides her, there’s one mroe person, whom i tink i have nvr really thk her for wat she did…my 1st bouquet of flowers and my 1st bday surprise was from her…alot of effort was made to made it happen..she drove to my hse when she has phobia driving after an accident, then called my fren to find out my exact unit..thnx gal, u know who u r…really appreciate wat u’ve done…till now tat moment when u appeared at my doorstep with flowers will still flow to my mind on my bday yearly since then;p

Finally when i enter into my working life, i met a few others who really helped me alot..sm1 whom i know during attachment got me my current job, then sm1 who was my co-worker in adidas is still a nice fren who will be there to listen to me and empathise wif me…taking turns wif me to give a treat, giving me free movie tix etc..haha…she’s really a wonderful gal wif wonderful lobangs…keke…then the other 3gals i met in IRAS have made my life stronger…y?coz all of us came from diff family backgrounds but smhow they let me see their love for their families in diff ways…sm i may not agree, but i really admire them for their love and passion for their loved ones…all of us have also wrked hard for our future and completing our studies with our own abilities..and its just so amazing that fate has brought all 4 of 2gther…allowing us to learn from one another…really love you gals…lets hope that this frenship will nvr die huh?…Cheers…

Besides all of the above, i have a few others who hav been showing support and asking me out whenever i’m dwn/’out of love’ haha…and some1 who acatully ‘fought’ for me when she feel that i’ve been wrong by sm1 else.. no matter what others tink of me, its enuf juz to know that i have you pple behind me!really…they are just so sweet!!sm even married, but still onz me for clubbing xia..haha..thnx pple!!u guz really made my life wonderful…

Last but not least, i hope that each and every1 of u reading this will find the true frens of your life…its more imp than finding a spouse?y?coz when true frenship exist, they will b there for you no matter wat, and will b understanding when u hav no time for them…n they will still cme back to ur life if u ever need help;p i doubt any1 will agree that not all spouses will b as understanding when u neglect them rite?haha…

Changing oneself was never easy, especially when its done for all reasons except yourself…In fact, i am full of admiration for those who change themselves for the sake of love…all simply bcoz this is something i guess i can never learn to do it fast and furious…My temper tend to control my head more often than my mind do..

I tried changing, and when just when i thought i’m doing fine, there is some improvement, HE request that i should blah blah blah…i do not deny its for the better being of myself, BUT what happen to the promises made way earlier before we decide to be together? it seem to have lost its way as we were moving towards the ups & downs…

Close frens and buddies around me knows i have quite a hot-temper…but mostly commented they are indeed surprise by the level of tolerence that i have in recent months…i have learn how to control my emotions and be forgiving…BUT it seems like its not enough…one change after another keep coming slowly and steadily till i tink i have lost myself…completely…so now i wonder what exactly was in me that he sees in…

Not sure if its good…but one thing for sure is that i have definitely lose the real independent me…

Well, i must say recently i come across the most ungentlemen man i ever met so far! Guess its just my luck man…

For the past few weeks, I was seriously looking for a job, but to no avail. Hence, a fren offered to send my resume across to her frens. Who knws a day after i send in my application, a so-called marketing job accepted me a day after my interview with them. On the other hand, my fren’s fren emailed me to ask for reasons i left my previous company, claiming his boss is looking into my resume. Well, after having a job offer, of course i replied telling him that i have already got a job offer, but guess wat? I got a reply saying that i do not need any help in the first place and this is an invaluable lesson to him as he got a scolding from his boss! He even claim that i am not sincere in applying jobs, i take up watever jobs that cme along…What a joker man!! Would sm1 whose sincerely helping a fren’s fren gets so angry and send such mails? I find it damn ridiculous and we exchanged a few sacarstic emails, and in his final emails, he claimed that his reputation was at stake because of me, and i was selfish as i tink in my own world! I seriously pity his frenz…

I muz say this guy is damn crazy, a real jerk!!Duno why he can tink in this way, and still claim i tink in my own world..Anyway, juz wana share this ‘crazy’ experience with a crazy, stupid Singaporean man….Frens, please take note, dun ever get sm1 to send resumes to sm1 like this guy…So wat if they are smart?I tink they are worse than jerks…haha…

If i ever receive any more stupid cockroaches packages, guess i will know who to report to the police..keke

Life is not about the end results…its the process that matter most.

Be it good or bad, people grow during the process (unknowingly)…In fact, if pple were to focus only on the end results, and ignore pple and things happening ard us during the process, our lifes can be quite meaningless when we got wat we want. Like Adam Sandler in "Click", he got what he always wanted,the Promotions…but he lose his loved ones to time, the process…and eventually himself, for trying too hard to salvage things he lost earlier…

The show is great as it allow me to be reflective on myself. The process of life can be draggy but yet its important, even more critical than the end result. Unlike the character in the movie, i doubt many of us do get a second chance by turning back time…However, if you think that you have done smthing wrong now,i would think that IT’S OK BUT DO NOT REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE!!!And most importantly, i guess cherishing pple ard us is extremely important and a precious thing to do in our everyday life.

Myself is guilty of neglecting my loved ones at times. I used to tink that by providing solutions to their probs = LOVE. But now i know i’m wrong! Smtimes, i will have to sit back and listen to them, love them for who they are and not supporting them only in monetary terms, but also emotionally…

Now i wonder, is ‘forgiving’ smthing i have to inculcate in me in order for myself to ‘grow’ from this life process?? this is smthing tat i’ve yet to master despite 24yrs of living coz i always live in my past…I guess being ‘forgiving’ is extremely important huh?coz then only will it lead to a better-tempered me, which will evetually lead to a more harmonious r/s with my love ones??hmmm…..now it sounds like a good deal huh?

There are thousands of reasons why we are frenz…But there are also thousands of reasons why we are drifting further n further away from each other…Pple commented that i did not try hard enough to make things work…despite knowing that things are not as good as before…But well, only heaven knows…

Guess the scar developed 1st when i was drunk 2 years back…it really made me realise that pple whom i’ve always cared for dun seems to be there when i needed them most…I’ve always looked after and ensure frens’ safety esp during clubbing sessions, but it seems like no1 care for mine…And i would dare say, i was always there for pple who needed sm1 when they are dwn..Not trying to claim credit here, but that really hurts…It was almost 2years back, but whenever i thought of that nite, i can feel as if the wound is still there…

Somehow from that nite onwards, the wound just gets deeper with each disappointment…whenever i needed sm1 but pple whom i’ve expected to be there are always not there…That’s when i finally realise, though i’ve always cared for frens ard me w/o expecting them to reciprocate, deep dwn in my heart there’s always an expectation for the frenz whom i was close to…and this expectation seems to be the cause of all the pains…

Maybe in order for myself to be happier, i must learn not to have any expectations…i’ve been saying that for almost 2 years, but it seems hard…coz smhow in my heart i still care for my frenz…and the expectations are still there (but lowered)…Duno why recently, this matter juz came back to my mind, and this is really disturbing…I really hope that there’s a day when i can really start to let go…with expectations no more….